I never imagined the crazy-making nature of moving back and forth between SE Asia and the United States. Talk about neural plasticity in action!
I’m not sure which is more strange – the difference between village life in Indonesia and city living in Portland, Oregon, or the abrupt shift from “always on” to beach Pause mode and back again.
Big City Backlash
Pemuteran is a small village wedged in the NW corner of Bali, with a two lane road that winds 4 hours south through the jungle to the airport in Denpasar. If you take a motor scooter ride west, you hit the tip of the island in about 20 minutes. That main drag through town is the center of village life, full of Balinese ceremonial parades and motor bike commuters.
Flash forward to Portland, Oregon where the traffic now rivals nearby Seattle and San Francisco. It may only take an hour to get to the airport, but the sheer scale of urban density almost boggles my little village brain. Speed and efficiency are in the air here, where the Bali beat is more a slow, steady perseverance. Like the local women that start each morning bent over a handmade stick broom, sweeping the dust in the yard, placing incense and offerings.
Speed and density verses slow predictability. That’s the first brain bender.
Too Much Goodness
Navigating the miles of aisles at the local Fred Meyer is total consumer overload for the lady used to small Warung shops that all stock the same limited staples. Do I like having more than a handful of predictable entrees in every restaurant in town? Of course. But getting up to speed, figuring out what’s where, mentally navigating and evaluating all the options – it’s an exhausting endeavor.
The land of plenty carries a brain boggling dose of consumer overload. Is it good, or is it not so good? That’s a bender.
A Good Enough Life
Although deeply grateful for cheap wheels in this sprawling metropolis, the physical ergonomics of driving a 30 year old car are taking an undeniable toll on my body. It’s a perfect example of my current “good enough” approach to life these days. Cheap, safe and reliable have proven a decent trade-off for optimal comfort.
When I was a permanent resident here, I drove a nice car and had an appropriately varied professional wardrobe. Now I’m good with the same uniform of 5 clothes and a clunker ride. It’s been a liberating brain bend to drop the trappings of striving, but my habituated little brain still feels the ego pinch of rolling up to the swanky health club in a rattling old Volvo. It’s a brain bending moment of self-awareness. I am not my car. I am not my wardrobe. Who I am and where I am in life is finally good enough. It’s a brain bending moment of self realization.
Trade Offs and Acceptance
I feel like a split personality at the moment - a “good enough” gypsy hippy chick in the big city, and an all-natural, no effort jungle Jane in Indonesia.
In Bali my entire day is filled with self care: Yoga, physical therapy, swimming, meditation and rest. At home I am in execution mode: Corporate facilitation, family care and best effort with therapeutic modalities. Too much leisure time gets old, and too much driving around like a crazy squirrel is exhausting.
So, I’m still learning. Accepting limitations, gradually finding a sustainable way to engage my heart, mind and body. Showing up daily, with best intentions to serve, as best as I’m able in every moment.
An Attitude of Gratitude
At this point in the Pause, mindset is everything. Managing the mental real estate, carving out white space, and plenty of Pausetime.
A big shout of gratitude to all those Pause practitioners out there! Thank you for being good to you with whatever Pause practice you have, and thanks for all the support over the past 6 months. Your continued interest in my work is a blessing felt half a world away. Going forward, stay in touch for the latest on my exploits through Instagram and my blog.